As a kid, I was often
told that Pride was a bad thing. Being proud of yourself was somehow
“bad.”
Growing up in a Christian
household, I remember hearing “Pride cometh before the fall.”
“Pride is one of the seven deadly sins.” I don't really remember
being told, “I'm proud of you.” When I was in I think third or
fourth grade, I won an award for academics. My Mom came to the
assembly at school to see me receiving it, and that evening, Dad
looked at it and said, quite simply, “Good for you. Keep it up.”
Don't get me wrong, I know Mom is, and Dad was very proud of each of
their children, but it just wasn't vocalized. Pride was seen as
something ...is wrong the right word?
Is Pride a sin?
To me, there are a few
different reasons to say no. First, as a humanist, I don't believe
in the concept of sin, I believe in morality. To me, it's not
morally wrong to have pride. Secondly, there are different types of
pride. Pride in people around you, accomplishments, etc.
I look back at my life
and realize that there is so much to take pride in, and wonder how
anyone could say that the pride I have is sinful. I'm proud of all
the usual things...I'm proud of my kids, and adults that they have
turned out (or are turning out) to be. I'm proud of my friends, and
what they've accomplished. I'm proud of my family, my siblings,
their kids, and grandkids, and the people that they are.
But most of all, I'm
proud of me. I've become someone I can take pride in. Someone who
stands up for what I believe in, and is not afraid to be very vocal
about it. Someone who took a lot of negativity, and turned it into
strength. Someone filled with a lot of self hatred, and learned how
to love myself.
Not too many years ago,
Things took a serious downturn in my life. My second marriage had
fallen apart, my Dad had just passed away, finances were not good, I
was wrestling with my own identity...things were bleak. It honestly
got to the point where I thought I had zero worth, as a person, and
had no good reason to live. At that point, the only thing stopping
me from ending my life was my kids. One evening, I was sitting at my
laptop, on Facebook, having a fairly innocuous conversation with
Lyndsay, the founder of Stop Teenage Suicide, A page that has since
become Wipe Out Suicide. Without letting her know just how close I
was to self destruction, I truly think she picked up on it. She let
me know, in plain English, that I did indeed have worth, that I was
meant to “DO something.” Someone, I had never met saw something
in me, that until that moment, I didn't know was there. Literally,
minutes later, I got a call from friends, inviting me over to their
house for “a drink.” When I got there, they sat me down, and
told me that they “had a feeling” that something was wrong, and
that I needed friends to talk to. After a bottle of rum, about 10
hours of talking, crying, more than a bit of yelling, I finally came
to realize that until I accepted me for me, I'd never dig my way out
of the hole I was in. Thanks to these friends, I started on the road
to liking myself, and eventually loving who I am.
Skip ahead four years,
and here I am. A vocal advocate of human rights, vocal Humanist, and
generally just a vocal person. And I'm proud of that. I recently
had a conversation with my Mom, who is a somewhat staunch Christian,
and she asked if I thought my Dad would be proud of what I stand for.
My answer was that I wasn't sure he'd like what I stood up for, but
I was sure he'd be proud of me for standing up and fighting for what
I believe in. Voltaire put it best. “I may not agree with what
you say, but I will fight to the death your right to say it.”
I also take pride in the
people I've invited into my life. The strength, inspiration, and hope
that I've surrounded myself with. These people sustain me, on a
daily basis. Sharon, Lyndsay, Rachel, Kel, Rob, Todd, Jase...the
list goes on. I know that they have my back, and they know I have
theirs. I'm so incredibly proud of
them for the work they do, the lives they've touched, and in some
cases, saved. The work I do with these people is, for me, not work.
It's simply giving back to people that gave so much to me. People I
can never truly repay.
In
the same way, I don't believe that LGBT Pride is a bad thing. For so
many years, the LGBT community has remained silent, usually out of
fear. Then, in the U.S. came Stonewall, in Canada, we had the
notorious Toronto bathhouse raids, and from these came the birth of
the Pride movement. Now, most countries celebrate Pride in one form
or another. To all my straight friends, don't believe what the media
shows you. Pride Week is not 10 days of debauchery and nudity, it's
a cultural festival. It's a way for the LGBT community to celebrate
that it's far more accepted than it was before. Everything from
concerts, dances, days in local parks for LGBT families, through
seminars on issues that directly involve LGBT people. And
yes...there's the parade, which not only highlights LGBT Pride, but
also brings out straight allies. So yes, Pride in this situation is
good.
So
if Pride is a sin, then I'm a happy, prideful sinner. And I'm never
going to stop having the Pride I do have. But, like I said, I don't
see it that way.
Ken
P.S.
This was definitely the hardest thing I've ever done. It's the
first time I've sat and thought about, never mind writing it out,
“that” part of my life. For the time it took to write this
(about 6 really tough hours) I ran through the whole gamut of
emotions that I went through back then. But...it's been very
cathartic. And for that..I'm proud.
Ken
Credit for the graphic goes to Love Has No Gender.