My Parental Love is Unconditional

Posted on June 12, 2013 by robw77

This is by guest blogger Ken Jansen
With Father’s day coming up, I was asked to write a piece about being a Dad. I’m the incredibly proud father of two great kids, and grandfather of two beautiful boys. It’s not been an easy life, two divorces, multiple moves, new jobs, etc, but it’s not a life I would want changed for anything.
I struggled for quite a while over what to write, until this morning. On Tuesday night, a young man named Jonathan Allen walked out onto the stage for an audition for America’s Got Talent. He took down the roof with his rendition of Time to Say Goodbye. That wasn’t the best part…The best part was Howie Mandell’s response to Jonathan. You see, Jonathan was kicked out of his family a little over two years ago, on his 18th birthday, simply because he’s gay. Howie, on behalf of America’s Got Talent, basically “adopted” Jonathan.
As a father, it amazes me (not in a good way) that any parent could completely turn their back on their child. Children NEVER ask to be born. Parents bring their kids into the world, and in doing so, (hopefully) accept the responsibilities of being a parent. It’s always been my contention, since I can remember, that a parent’s love is unconditional. You can’t simply tell your kid “If you don’t as I say, and live as I want you to, I won’t love you.” I’ve seen this happen to a friend, whose parents disowned her completely because they didn’t like the guy she was living with. Later, after she broke up with him, and met and married someone “acceptable,” they “welcomed” her back into their family.
In my opinion, Jonathan’s “parents” are NOT fit to carry that title. To me, and again, this is only my opinion, they are nothing more than an egg and sperm donor. However, watching Jonathan’s obvious love for these people was inspiring.
About a year ago, my then 12 year old son and I were visiting my Mom. During a conversation about the work I do for Equality, my Mom looks me in the eye and asked me “What would you do if Luke came out to you? Would you be upset?” I looked straight back at her and said, “Yes…but only if he was ashamed of it.” In all honesty, I really don’t care who my kids fall in love with, as long as they love, and are loved in return. My daughter is married to an exceptional man, who is a great husband to her and extraordinary father to my grandsons, and my son, now 13, has his first girlfriend. I couldn’t be happier for them.
I guess what I’m really trying to say is that being a father is the most rewarding thing a man can aspire to. It’s also one of the hardest, most frustrating things a man can live through, but if, like me, you can sit back and see success in your children, you have every right to be proud. I am proud. My kids may not be millionaires, world leaders, or famous in any way, but they are both loving, caring, and totally accepting people. To me, this is the true success in life.
And if necessary, Jonathan Allen, I would be incredibly proud to call you my son!
Happy Father’s Day to ALL Dads, and everyone who fills the role of Dad!
(and BTW, Luke…this does NOT get you out of going to university, and getting a job, so you can support me in my old age! LOL)

Gay Dads Share Perspectives On 9/11 Birthdays

Posted on September 10, 2013 by robw77

by Rob Watson and Ken Jansen
My birthday was yesterday.  It was a wonderful day with my partner Jim and my sons.  This week we will also celebrate with my folks, my sister and my cousins.  My dad is in the throws of dementia. I had to explain to him recently what a cd was and why that silver disk played music.
That being said, he knew to call me at the moment of my birth yesterday, as he has done habitually over the years.  At 9:50 am, the time I was born, I always got a call from my dad.  I prepared myself this year for the idea that he would not remember it.  Prepared that it would have gone the way of so much of what he once held in his mind.  It did not.  He called, right on time.  Senility, be not proud.
My dear friend Ken Jansen’s birthday is today, and he shared his thoughts with me.  We have a lot in common.  Both of us are gay dads, and both of us are committed to making this a better world for those who are coming up behind us in it.
We both also share memories of a dozen years ago when terrorists hit our country, right at our birthday time.  Happy birthday us.  On that particular day, it was the least of our worries.
That year, I was alone in a hotel room a thousand miles away from my family on my birthday the 10^th.  When I woke up the next morning, the world had gone crazy.  As I dressed, I watched the news about a plane hitting the World Trade Center.  Then I watched as another hit the other tower…live.  I watched the first responders going into the scene… never to emerge alive again.
I had to get home.  I called the rental car company and let them know that I would be driving the car I rented a little further than the local airport as I had agreed.  They could sue me if they did not like it.  They understood.
The drive home was eerily quiet on the west coast.  I dropped in on my sister who never dreamed she would see me that day and we quietly shared a sandwich.  It was as if we were alone in the world, around us had gotten devastatingly calm.  Terrorists hit our consciousness, we had the overwhelming urge to run to family, and be damned glad to have them safe.
Lunch and communing with my only sibling done, I continued on my journey.
I continue it today, in a different way.  Twelve years ago, the villains were very clear.  Evil men with box cutters exploiting a cavalier and lazy security system.
I fight against other villains today.   I have made fighting them a habit, and I doubt I will quit any time soon.  I also have met heroes along the way.  My friend, and birthday buddy, Ken is one of those.  Here are his thoughts for today, his birthday (Happy birthday, Ken!):
The things that go through your head when you turn fifty-two!  Every year, as September 11 rolls around, I sit back and think about how fortunate I am. I think about my family and friends, and how lucky I am to have them in my life. That reflection became much more poignant after September 11, 2001.
There’s no need to talk about the events of that day, I don’t think there’s anyone who doesn’t know what happened in New York City, Washington, and outside Shanksville, PA. The day after, I was asked by a coworker if it was my worst birthday ever. I answered “yes”, then thought for a second and said “no”.
In reality, it was probably the best birthday I had ever had. I was able to go home from work, to my family, to be greeted with hugs by my then 2 year old son. I was fortunate in that nobody I know, personally, was involved in any way.
Now each year, I think about my life with a different type of scrutiny. My family has grown, but is no no way any less important to me. My love for them grows more every year. They know that, even though I can be a bit of a pain, and that I’ve become very vocal standing up for what I believe, I will always love and respect them. My friends know the same thing. The past twelve years has taught me that the people I allow to surround me, strengthen me, support me, and hold me to a standard that I have given them.
My “Friends List” on Facebook has a (to me) surprising diversity to it. It is also loaded with people that five to six years ago, I would never have thought would be there. There are people there who are making an enormous impact on the world as a whole, some who are making themselves known on a local level, and some who are there because I invited them in. However, every one of them is there for a very distinct reason. It’s easy to look at that list, and realize that these are people who accept me as I am. These are the people who inspire, who helped open my mind and heart. The ones who helped to find my voice, and let me know that it’s okay to yell. And for that, I’m eternally grateful.
Then there’s the other side of the coin. The negative influences. The people who are no longer a part of my life, because they were the ones who thought (and in some cases took great pleasure in telling me) that I was worthless, had nothing of value to give the world. While I have left those people behind, I need to take a moment to thank them, too. Having had them in my life, and having met the people I now have in my life, has taught me that I do have value, that I can add something worthwhile to “the human experience.” They taught me to look for the signs that a relationship will be “toxic,” and to avoid that relationship. They are the ones who helped me “give birth” to the inner strength I now have. The strength that is “fed” by the people who are now a part of my life.
The first forty-eight years of my life were a roller coaster, with a lot of ups and downs. The last four years, have been more of a walk up a mountain. Thanks to the support of so many people, I feel that I’ve climbed high enough to be free of the clouds, and standing in bright sunshine.
And for that, I thank every one of you. That word “Thanks” will never be enough, but it will have to do, for now.
One last thing. I’m going to request a “gift” from each person reading this. It’s something my son-in-law asked for on his birthday, a couple of weeks ago. Go out and do something for someone who needs it. Help a neighbour take their garbage out. Carry someone’s groceries. Buy lunch for a homeless person. Anything. Just give of yourself, and you’ll be doing it for me (and for Rob).
Much love to everyone of my family and friends.
Ken

 Ken Jansen is part of the Equality Mantra team and has been guest blogger on evol=.

Let's get started

Ten things you need to know about me:

As a gay rights activist, and a humanist, I am often told that I am wrong (at best) or destined for hell (if not worse.) As a vocal person, on Facebook, and through the occasional blog, I've received my share of messages, some rather innocuous, some not so much. I'm here to tell you (the people who tell me these things) why you are incorrect.

These are some “truths that I hold self evident.” (Please remember, this is only my opinion.)

1. As a humanist, (read atheist) I am NOT a person who worships Satan. As a matter of fact, I worship nobody. Nothing. Nada. Nix...you get the idea. I no more believe in Satan than I believe in his arch enemy, God. Both are characters in a book, written a long time ago, and edited in such a way as to give certain people power on earth.
2. I can, and do live a good life without God. To me, it does not take the promise of eternal glory, or the threat of eternal damnation to try to improve humanity. I help others, give to those less fortunate, etc, because I want to.
3. I am not a “rabid atheist.” I will not spend my time telling you that you are wrong, or trying to “indoctrinate” you to atheism. When you ask me about my lack of belief, and I answer, remember that you asked. If your faith works for you, great. I've been there, done that, and it no longer works for me.
4. Just because I no longer believe in God, or religion, does not mean I have no idea about either. Trust me, I've studied the bible extensively, I've studied religion up to my eyeballs, and the only thing these studies left me with is unanswered questions. The “real world” has much better answers for me than religion does.
5. I have a great deal of trouble being part of a group that promotes discrimination against people they don't like. If you're going to use your bible to say that someone is wrong, you'd best be living by every single rule in that bible, yourself.
6. Not one person is perfect. BUT...(it's a big but) genetically you are almost identical to EVERY person walking on the face of the planet. Every white, black, brown, straight, gay, male, bisexual, transgender, male, female...you get the idea...person out there. Stop focusing on a tiny bit of genetic difference and start thinking about the similarities.
7. My family and friends are just that...my family and friends. NOT my (insert label here) family and friends. You may see people of different colour, I see shades of tan. You may see people with different religions, and creeds, I see people with the freedom to express their ideas. You may see people with different sexual identities, I see people. (Having said that, I will admit that a few of my family and friends should come with labels...warning labels! jk)
8. People who've known me for a long time say I've changed. I haven't. What happened was that I found myself tucked away in a small dark corner of myself, and I set myself free. It was probably the hardest thing I ever did in my life, but I came to not only like me, but to love me. All of me, the “good” parts and the “bad.” I came to the realization that I'm only human, I make mistakes, and that's okay. I also found that I have a voice. With the help of a few very dear friends, I have learned how to use my voice. And now I won't be silenced.
9. I will “walk the fires of hell” for people that are important to me. Cross one of these people, and you deal with me, and that's a dragon you don't want to wake.
10. As a human, I'm free to do what I want with my life. If you don't approve, please keep it to yourself. Having said that, rest assured that I will not do anything to knowingly harm another. Again, my morals play a huge role in my life.

I'm just a person who's trying to make the world a better place for those who follow. As a parent, and grandparent, that's important to me. Teaching love, respect, and acceptance is one of the things that every parent needs to do. If that is disturbing to you, please feel free to ignore me. I'll still sleep well, tonight.